Just another WordPress.com site

Monday Misery and Relief 6/4/12

Dear Friends, Followers, and Newbies,

It is 12:23 (6/5/12) and I just went through my spam folder of comments.  Most of them were incorrectly marked and I will respond and post them shortly.  My mom came to visit me on May 29th.  My son graduated from high school on June 1st.  My mom and I press buttons, hopefully unknowingly, but it happens.  I have not had much access to my computer so my inspirational postings have been slow and I apologize.  I know it is not my job to save the world, but from what I have read there are some of you that just haven’t found the love, care, help, and support you need.

My son lives with his mom about 10 miles away, but without a car and my schedule, I do not see him much.  We Facebook, text, call, and email, but I feel like I am not doing enough.  He is an only  child and I am an only child.  Due to circumstances my father was out of my life from age 10 to 23.  We have reconnected and things are much better now.  My mom, try as she claims, doesn’t understand what I am going through.  We know it is hard to explain to people who do not have mental disorders what it really feels like.  Words are insufficient to describe the pain, fatigue, anguish, guilt, irrational thoughts, sleepless nights because the brain won’t turn off, aches and pains for no reason, etc.

I have been in turmoil for almost a week.  I lost 7 pounds since my mom arrived!  She has left for a few days to visit friends who used to be her neighbors back home but now like in a 3rd state.  I had a counseling appointment today and the tears just came.  I had received a notice that the agency that is to pay my tuition for this semester had not completed the paperwork.  that was Friday after 5pm.  I spent all weekend worried sick.  I made the necessary voice mails and emails so that this morning people could work on the problem while I was in class from 9-12noon.  One person emailed me that I had gone overboard, but they don’t understand how really important being in school is for me.  Problem resolved.  Mom gone.  I pressures of being overwhelmed by my mother have lifted and I crashed.

I needed the nap.  I did not NEED all the Triple Brownie Ice cream I ate, but what is done is done.  I will replace it before my mom returns.  It was good to hear from my counselor that I am doing what normal people do and that I shouldn’t feel worried or guilty.  I am doing all I can and I should be proud of myself.  So I will try to be proud.  It is something many of us struggle with.  We can’t acknowledge our achievements at the level that others do.  We are worthy!  We are INVALUABLE!

Thank you for your comments.  I am hear to talk and answer questions from my experiences.  Have a restful night and may you be strong in the morning to take on the challenges of tomorrow.

Leave a comment »

Your Decision

Leave a comment »