iamsickandtiredofbeingsickandtired

Just another WordPress.com site

Quandry

I apologize for my absence. Life has been been a lot to handle. I hope you all had plenty of time to see all of the post of the past.

I have a question for you. I am hoping people, many people will share their thoughts.

What are the

weight or body fat differences between:

Athletic/Toned,

Slender,

About Average,

Few Extra Pounds,

Stocky, &

Heavy Set?

Dating/Friendship sites can ask such arbitrary questions.  It is all up to individual interpretation.  Please share yours with me, and unless you say not to, I will share with others.  I will compile the data.  It will spark a philosophical thought in my head.  Thank you in advance for your participation!

Leave a comment »

HUGS

The giving of love and affection.

Can one become “Hug Starved”?  Can one lack for touch, as innocent as a touch on the elbow?  After how long of being deprived of touch can a person become ill?

Can this lack of affection lead to or contribute to depression, social anxiety, loneliness, even suicide?

PLEASE COMMENT! – Please submit articles, blogs, posting etc.  I believe this is a serious issue.  Yes, I feel that I am afflicted by a lack of affection/hugging.

Leave a comment »

Monday Misery and Relief 6/4/12

Dear Friends, Followers, and Newbies,

It is 12:23 (6/5/12) and I just went through my spam folder of comments.  Most of them were incorrectly marked and I will respond and post them shortly.  My mom came to visit me on May 29th.  My son graduated from high school on June 1st.  My mom and I press buttons, hopefully unknowingly, but it happens.  I have not had much access to my computer so my inspirational postings have been slow and I apologize.  I know it is not my job to save the world, but from what I have read there are some of you that just haven’t found the love, care, help, and support you need.

My son lives with his mom about 10 miles away, but without a car and my schedule, I do not see him much.  We Facebook, text, call, and email, but I feel like I am not doing enough.  He is an only  child and I am an only child.  Due to circumstances my father was out of my life from age 10 to 23.  We have reconnected and things are much better now.  My mom, try as she claims, doesn’t understand what I am going through.  We know it is hard to explain to people who do not have mental disorders what it really feels like.  Words are insufficient to describe the pain, fatigue, anguish, guilt, irrational thoughts, sleepless nights because the brain won’t turn off, aches and pains for no reason, etc.

I have been in turmoil for almost a week.  I lost 7 pounds since my mom arrived!  She has left for a few days to visit friends who used to be her neighbors back home but now like in a 3rd state.  I had a counseling appointment today and the tears just came.  I had received a notice that the agency that is to pay my tuition for this semester had not completed the paperwork.  that was Friday after 5pm.  I spent all weekend worried sick.  I made the necessary voice mails and emails so that this morning people could work on the problem while I was in class from 9-12noon.  One person emailed me that I had gone overboard, but they don’t understand how really important being in school is for me.  Problem resolved.  Mom gone.  I pressures of being overwhelmed by my mother have lifted and I crashed.

I needed the nap.  I did not NEED all the Triple Brownie Ice cream I ate, but what is done is done.  I will replace it before my mom returns.  It was good to hear from my counselor that I am doing what normal people do and that I shouldn’t feel worried or guilty.  I am doing all I can and I should be proud of myself.  So I will try to be proud.  It is something many of us struggle with.  We can’t acknowledge our achievements at the level that others do.  We are worthy!  We are INVALUABLE!

Thank you for your comments.  I am hear to talk and answer questions from my experiences.  Have a restful night and may you be strong in the morning to take on the challenges of tomorrow.

Leave a comment »

Funky Friday 5/18/2012

Summer Semester started at school on Monday, May 14th.  I am taking 1 – 3 credit class this 7 week term.  In the past I have taken a 12 credit load per full semester.  This and the next term I am taking a total of 6 credits.  Vocational Rehabilitation is not helping me this semester with expenses other than tuition and books.  Usually with financial aid I receive additional assistance.

Spring Semester I did not do so well.  I finished with a 1.0 for the semester.  Since I am not receiving additional help, I decided to lower my class load for the semester.  This is my 5th consecutive semester of school.  I have been riding up and down especially January through April 2012.  I moved out on my own after having roommates at the same location for 8 years.  The last 3 years I was living with the same 2 housemates.  I was doing somewhat better with my illnesses, but dealing with a repetitive cycle of miscommunication, fighting, and lack of change I needed to move.  My congregation found me an apartment 1 block away.

It has been nice to be on my own.  My body has been adjusting.  I think that went  without the pressure, my body through decompression.  Now I working to stay focused and keep on homework.

I have been working to get out more often.  Often I still just don’t “feel it”.  It comes out as fatigue, depressive mood, lack of interest, or “BLAH”.  I am talking my medications for depressive disorder, panic/anxiety, and A.D.D.  being in an apartment has been been a change also in that that it gets hot in this apartment more than the house I lived in.  I am working to keep electric costs down.  I don’t turn the cooler on lower than 77 degrees.  I did find a box fan that helps some.  Most nights it cools down enough to open the windows.  I open at least the living room and bedroom windows.  They are on opposite ends of the apartment linked by a hallway that passes the bathroom and kitchen.

It feels good to get things written down.  I hope to motivate myself to continue this process.  Then I can work to solve problems better.  GWT

Leave a comment »

5/9/12 Wednesday

I had less energy this morning, but I didn’t feel like I had to push myself to get up.  I called and made an appointment with my counselor at the disability center.  Tomorrow at noon.  I emailed my professors for the upcoming semester to see what to expect.  This way I will know what help to ask for from my counselor.

I made a protein shake of a banana, peanut butter, milk, and protein powder.  I rested the rest of the morning and afternoon.  I feel quite warm in my apartment.

My goal is to attend a Men’s Group tonight.  I am feeling some anxiety.  I want the support, but I just don’t feel “comfortable” about getting out of the house and going.  I don’t know if it is about getting out, attending the group, or a mixture.  Maybe there is something else specific that is “haunting” me.

Leave a comment »

5/8/12 Terrific Tuesday

When I woke up this more there was more get up and go than push myself compared to recent months.  I went to the university bookstore and got the information I needed for my Rehabilitation Counselor about my textbooks.  I approached a lady to ask how vouchers need to be processed.  I did not feel very anxious in doing so.  I got the information I needed.

As I left the bookstore I felt really good.  I accomplished a goal.  I also stepped up and challenged my social anxiety.  My heart was beating a little faster.  I don’t think it was a panic attack after the fact of a stressful situation.  It seemed more like an adrenaline rush.  While I was asking for information the adrenaline kept me stable.  once I was done with the bookstore, I still had left over adrenaline.  It burned off in 10-15 minutes.  I felt so happy that I kept composure and stayed calm.

When I got to my building I went to check on a home bound neighbor of mine.  Her physical therapist had come for a session.  i stayed and took notes on the exercises she is supposed to do.  This way I can help encourage her in between his visits.

I felt tired afterwards and took a nap.  I had an appointment with my therapist.  I rode 2 buses to get there.  We set some goals for my therapy.  I bought a Pampered Chef Microwaveable Steamer for 75 cents at a thrift store.  I rode one bus up to the university campus and then walked downhill home.  The exercise was good.  I am proud of myself for making the choice of riding the bus to campus and walking home, rather than wait for 2 buses to ride straight home.

Leave a comment »

5/7/12 aMazing Monday

I woke up with more get up and go and less need to be pushed.  I saw my Rehabilitation Counselor.  I will only take 6 credits during Summer Semester. I will have 1 three credit course each 7 week term.  This will give me time to work on my challenges.  I will have more time to get out and exercise.  I need to study for my 2nd year language course in the Fall.   I took first year 3 years ago and haven’t practiced.

I took my shopping cart and rode the light rail out to a shopping area.  I walked to a couple of stores.  I felt good.  I had enough energy.  I picked up some fruit and water at the last stop.  I picked up a scale so I can weigh myself weekly as I work on losing weight.  I am improving my eating habits.  I am working at being motivated to exercise or walk daily.

I believe a load of stress has been lifted.  I hope that the load will not return when school returns next week.  I need the education so that I can start the career I have wanted for almost 25 years.  I enjoy being with people, even if most of them are young enough to be a child of mine.  I am a good person and just do not want to be alone all the time.  I am trying to learn what triggers my social anxiety when meeting new people.

I attended my NAMI group in the evening.  It is a good support group.  I can share my successes and challenges with others who understand.  I received a text from my neighbor asking if she could borrow some toilet paper.  She also received a box from the Food Bank and there were a few items she wouldn’t use and she offered them to me.  I felt a Good tired.  Sleep was great.

Leave a comment »

FRUSTRATED RESOLVE

I find myself very easily annoyed and frustrated these days. This is a big deal because my feathers were never easily ruffled. Maybe it is old age, or the constant busy days, or just not enough time to sit and reflect. Regardless, I find that being frustrated is a contagious condition and maybe I have just had a really good immunity to it before the last year or so. The following was written in two parts….I wrote the first part on my phone as a note during my frustration then the later part was written once the frustration was resolved. I hope to keep it as a reminder that I have the power to identify the feeling and to create the desired outcome despite the emotions bubbling deep within.

FRUSTRATED RESOLVE

Tidal waves of frustration crashing through my veins

Hammering so consistent, undoing me at the seams

Coursing with resolve to bring its structure down

Falling deeper into an abyss of regret

Forgetting how his smile beams

How much longer must I withstand the sadness?

I would like to forget?

Trying hard to calm the anger that lurks within

Down to my knees before crashing to the ground

Begging the sun to warm my soul so when I turn to meet his gaze

I can feel compassion in my heart, but as is always true

The next moment could be the end or again we can begin

I think to myself the power I have and the strength to see this through

I turn and see a knowing smile on his face,

the smile that says “I’m sorry, I love you”.

via FRUSTRATED RESOLVE.

– hastywords@wordpress.com

Leave a comment »

My healthy addiction.

To tell you the truth, I’m getting tired of cooking and eating those healthy soups. And on the top of it I’m so busy lately that I don’t even have the time to cook anymore. So I was searching frantically for other, easier way to get my healthy nutrients. And I found it! —ENSURE – NUTRITION SHAKE – TO HELP GET STRONG ON THE INSIDE – COMPLETE, BALANCED NUTRITION – # 1 DOCTOR RECOMMENDED BRAND – 8 FL. OZ – VANILLA OR THE OTHER FLAVORS. Great! This shake has lot more good stuff in it, than my soup. And how very convenient! And honestly, I like the taste of it. Of course, I have to eat some food beside this, but one or two shakes on a busy day will keep me going. I have to stay in shape, just for the case if “MR. UGLY” (cancer) will decide to invite me some day to some Arm Wrestling Match……. or something……  You never know. This Monster is very sneaky.

My friend told me: “You are going to get fat drinking this stuff”. So I told her: “I’m going to worry about this WHEN or IF I get fat”.

And my neighbor said: “How do you know if this stuff is doing you any good?” And I told him: “Hey, I’m alive, no?”

And my other friend told me: “You look good, you don’t need this stuff”. And I told him: “I look good, because I’m drinking this stuff”.

Some people are so very skeptical……. Try it for yourself. Maybe you can skip one not so very healthy meal a day and enjoy something “good for you and easy”. Cheers!

– cancerkillingrecipe@wordpress.com

 

Leave a comment »

4/23 Letter To My Facebook Supporters.

I am looking for support on a specific goal. I, like others, struggle with motivating themselves to make their body the realistic way they want it. I have been watching episodes of MTV’s “I Used To Be Fat.” I don’t have the money to not work or go to school and devote 4-6 hours everyday to varied fitness pursuits. The weight these kids lose, under the direction of a certified personal trainer, is often ludicrous.

I am in month 2 of making changes in my life. I have been advised to change one thing at a time for a month, before going onto another step. Personal motivation is an Achilles heel. I keep looking for people to work out with. Supporting one another my work out partners and I could achieve more than the sum of or individual efforts. One of the guys here suggested P90X. The benefits of these changes are obvious in improved health and more energy, stamina, and strength. The self accountability has not been enough so far.

Does anyone know of any baby steps I can try until I get myself to personal motivation and accountability? I am 248 – 5’8″, almost double what I was at Graduation. It would be nice to lose 100 pounds by College Graduation in Early May 2014. Goals 1) – 245 pounds / 2) 239 pounds/ 3) 229 pounds. In December 2000 I got myself down to 209 pounds. I had been about 225 prior to that. I have since rebounded back up and even higher. Success is motivational. The work will have to come to make the first new success and start of the cycle of achievement and pride. I reach out to my friends for your help.

HUGs

2 Comments »