iamsickandtiredofbeingsickandtired

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HUGS

The giving of love and affection.

Can one become “Hug Starved”?  Can one lack for touch, as innocent as a touch on the elbow?  After how long of being deprived of touch can a person become ill?

Can this lack of affection lead to or contribute to depression, social anxiety, loneliness, even suicide?

PLEASE COMMENT! – Please submit articles, blogs, posting etc.  I believe this is a serious issue.  Yes, I feel that I am afflicted by a lack of affection/hugging.

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Monday Misery and Relief 6/4/12

Dear Friends, Followers, and Newbies,

It is 12:23 (6/5/12) and I just went through my spam folder of comments.  Most of them were incorrectly marked and I will respond and post them shortly.  My mom came to visit me on May 29th.  My son graduated from high school on June 1st.  My mom and I press buttons, hopefully unknowingly, but it happens.  I have not had much access to my computer so my inspirational postings have been slow and I apologize.  I know it is not my job to save the world, but from what I have read there are some of you that just haven’t found the love, care, help, and support you need.

My son lives with his mom about 10 miles away, but without a car and my schedule, I do not see him much.  We Facebook, text, call, and email, but I feel like I am not doing enough.  He is an only  child and I am an only child.  Due to circumstances my father was out of my life from age 10 to 23.  We have reconnected and things are much better now.  My mom, try as she claims, doesn’t understand what I am going through.  We know it is hard to explain to people who do not have mental disorders what it really feels like.  Words are insufficient to describe the pain, fatigue, anguish, guilt, irrational thoughts, sleepless nights because the brain won’t turn off, aches and pains for no reason, etc.

I have been in turmoil for almost a week.  I lost 7 pounds since my mom arrived!  She has left for a few days to visit friends who used to be her neighbors back home but now like in a 3rd state.  I had a counseling appointment today and the tears just came.  I had received a notice that the agency that is to pay my tuition for this semester had not completed the paperwork.  that was Friday after 5pm.  I spent all weekend worried sick.  I made the necessary voice mails and emails so that this morning people could work on the problem while I was in class from 9-12noon.  One person emailed me that I had gone overboard, but they don’t understand how really important being in school is for me.  Problem resolved.  Mom gone.  I pressures of being overwhelmed by my mother have lifted and I crashed.

I needed the nap.  I did not NEED all the Triple Brownie Ice cream I ate, but what is done is done.  I will replace it before my mom returns.  It was good to hear from my counselor that I am doing what normal people do and that I shouldn’t feel worried or guilty.  I am doing all I can and I should be proud of myself.  So I will try to be proud.  It is something many of us struggle with.  We can’t acknowledge our achievements at the level that others do.  We are worthy!  We are INVALUABLE!

Thank you for your comments.  I am hear to talk and answer questions from my experiences.  Have a restful night and may you be strong in the morning to take on the challenges of tomorrow.

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One Liners Friends and Future

Treat your friends as you do your pictures and place them in their best light!

– unknown

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!

– unknown

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings!

– unknown

To find what you seek in the road of life,the best proverb of all is that which says: “Leave no stone unturned.”

– unknown

Gems may be precious, but friends are priceless!

– unknown

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Funky Friday 5/18/2012

Summer Semester started at school on Monday, May 14th.  I am taking 1 – 3 credit class this 7 week term.  In the past I have taken a 12 credit load per full semester.  This and the next term I am taking a total of 6 credits.  Vocational Rehabilitation is not helping me this semester with expenses other than tuition and books.  Usually with financial aid I receive additional assistance.

Spring Semester I did not do so well.  I finished with a 1.0 for the semester.  Since I am not receiving additional help, I decided to lower my class load for the semester.  This is my 5th consecutive semester of school.  I have been riding up and down especially January through April 2012.  I moved out on my own after having roommates at the same location for 8 years.  The last 3 years I was living with the same 2 housemates.  I was doing somewhat better with my illnesses, but dealing with a repetitive cycle of miscommunication, fighting, and lack of change I needed to move.  My congregation found me an apartment 1 block away.

It has been nice to be on my own.  My body has been adjusting.  I think that went  without the pressure, my body through decompression.  Now I working to stay focused and keep on homework.

I have been working to get out more often.  Often I still just don’t “feel it”.  It comes out as fatigue, depressive mood, lack of interest, or “BLAH”.  I am talking my medications for depressive disorder, panic/anxiety, and A.D.D.  being in an apartment has been been a change also in that that it gets hot in this apartment more than the house I lived in.  I am working to keep electric costs down.  I don’t turn the cooler on lower than 77 degrees.  I did find a box fan that helps some.  Most nights it cools down enough to open the windows.  I open at least the living room and bedroom windows.  They are on opposite ends of the apartment linked by a hallway that passes the bathroom and kitchen.

It feels good to get things written down.  I hope to motivate myself to continue this process.  Then I can work to solve problems better.  GWT

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138

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There Is More

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Hope

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Decide

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Health Balance

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